I don't currrrrr 'bout no excuses

So, whatever. Who cares if I'm feeling like shit.  I can't be down on myself forever.  I haven't gone to the gym since Saturday. Dang. That's 4 days after a stint of going everyday for about a week-and-a-half. 

I'm going to drink my water and get my ass to the gym right after work. No more excuses.  I didn't have to put that beer battered halibut burger and fries down my  pie hole.  WTF is wrong with me? I'm tired of feeling this way and what do I do?  Eat garbage I know is only going to make me feel worse.  Enough of the sob story, this bitch is getting her shit together one way or another!  I know I can't control everything or everyone around. Call it the control freak in me, but it's soooooo frustrating!  And so, I must concentrate on myself and self-improvement.  Ok.

One of my best friends, Angelica, is getting married this summer and I'm her maid of honor.  Let me tell you something, mang, there is no honor in being the chub next to the model bride, ho-kayyyy?  She's soooo dang beautiful, inside and out, and I must not ruin her wedding pictures! LOL  Here's a pic of the posse.  Which beautiful gal is she, you ask?  Why, the tall drink of water on the left with the turtleneck.

LOVE THESE LADIES!

Such a downer, and it's not even Monday!

So, I recently lost touch with a great friend.  It was sudden and it hurts, and I still don't have an explanation for it.  This has happened in the past with both guy and girl friends, but it's just....  when you become so close with someone, and have that love for someone else, it's hard to let go, whether you have a reason or not.  I mean, really, what is a justifiable reason?  Let me give you some good examples for some loved ones lost in the past: 

Female - she was jealous because a dude she used to hook up with was my new best friend, so when she found out he and his buddy passed through my place in the middle of the night to grab some crap for school, she went and told lies to my then-boyfriend about me cheating.  Caught up in her own insecurity and jealousy.
Male - he got a girlfriend and wasn't allowed to talk to me, anymore. 
Female - she started hanging out with a snarky bitch and let bullshit fill her head, all the while holding a grudge for a very long time without ever voicing it. Super passive aggressive.
Male - his wife caught him having his "online love affairs," or that's what it seemed like in the horribly mean, scathing email she wrote to me, calling me one of his whores.  "Hi, no, sorry, I'm one of his real life friends who helped him through his suicidal tendencies after his last divorce, thanks."
Female - she got a boyfriend and only did stuff with him, later resenting me for still being able to go out and have fun because she believed she was no longer allowed to.
Male - he just suddenly turned it off (I thought I learned the last time from this one)  Weird how some people can just "turn it off."  How is that?  Especially when you know you're the most awesome friend they've ever had in the world??!!  Tongue in cheek, obvious.

Anyhoo, I'm not going to lie. It's affected me for the negative.  I don't want to go to the gym like I used to (HUGE problem here, and I'm not talking about my ass). My self image is just bad right now. It's weird.  I've never done that for longer than maybe a few minutes. This is lasting me several days, and I hate it.  Being disgusted with yourself is not a good feeling, especially when I continue to feed the flames with shit I know I shouldn't be having -- like two orders of cashew chicken: one for the restaurant and one for the road.  Really, AnaV?  You FF.  That about sums it up.  It's making me stronger though, right?  Please say yes!  Ugh. My heart hurts.